PeloSwifties rejoiced this week at the news of a new Artist Series– while this one was perhaps a little predictable, it was also definitely welcome. While we’ll be seeing such luminaries as Callie, Jeffrey, Matt, and Anna working out along with Taylor’s tunes, it got us thinking… if we could program a 1989 album for Peloton, who would we recruit, and would we really let Cody escape that easily? Let’s review… track by track. Not every song lends itself perfectly and obviously to an instructor, but don’t worry, we’ll get there. All you have to do is stay.

Track 1: “Welcome to New York”

Statistics (we’ll take it as a kindness if you don’t ask for a source) say that when you look at the rankings of instructors by Peloton members in various states, Cody Rigsby wins New York every single year. We know the man’s not a Swiftie, but he loves the city so much, he’s so important to Peloton, and it entertains us so much to include him that it would be a crime to leave him out (though we’ll let him hide behind this coffee cup for the sake of his pride). Has Britney ever covered this one?

Track 2: “Blank Space”

I actually spent some time researching whether Olivia Amato‘s wedding venue was the set of this video (it wasn’t, but can we pretend?)

Track 3: “Style”

Not sure if she has a James Dean daydream look in her eye, but she definitely has that red lip classic thing that we like… not to mention that good girl faith and a tight little skirt. We will absolutely come back every time for Tunde Oyeneyin.

Track 4: “Out of the Woods”

“The rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color….” Who better to epitomize screaming color than Peloton favorite Brittany Allen? Since it’s a “we,” we’ll include her muse, Jess King, who’s also likely prone to move the furniture so she could dance.

Track 5: “All You Had to Do Was Stay”

“Had me in the palm of your hand.” Going to point out here that Taylor’s not in the guy’s hands, she’s in his hand. So this time, we’re casting the love interest in the song, and it’s not Travis Kelce… it’s the man who can do literally ANYTHING with just one hand, Logan Aldridge. Could he date Taylor Swift with one hand? Well, if he tried hard enough it seems possible (he could definitely take down a Kelce), but really, discussing which Peloton instructor could date Taylor Swift could be another complete article. I have opinions.

Track 6: “Shake it Off”

This one has a famous video about feeling a little left out of well-coordinated dance moves- and we can’t think of a better group to star in that kind of video than Peloton’s German-speaking cycling coaches, who masterfully pulled off a 6-coach ride on just two bikes recently in honor of German Unity Day. Erik, Mila, Cliff, Mayla, Charlotte, and Benny can be the dancers- maybe Nico could come in and be Taylor?

Track 7: “I Wish You Would”

“I Wish You Would” by Taylor Swift is a profoundly deep relationship song that delves into the complexities of love, longing, and the yearning for reconnection. Swift’s lyrics vividly capture the emotions and vulnerabilities that come with a strained or broken relationship. The song expresses a desire for communication and reconciliation, and it beautifully portrays the universal sentiment of wishing for a second chance. With its heartfelt verses and powerful chorus, “I Wish You Would” taps into the depths of human emotions, making it a relatable anthem for anyone who has experienced the pain of a fractured connection and the longing for a chance to mend it. Swift’s ability to articulate the nuances of love and regret through her lyrics is what makes this song an emotionally resonant and deeply compelling exploration of relationships.

That’s what ChatGPT says, anyway. I’m just using this opportunity to point out that lots of folks would love to ride with Alex Toussaint at 2 am in his car. (This one was tough, folks- not a lot of Peloton instructors talk about their cars.)

Track 8: “Bad Blood”

Quite honestly, this might be my favorite Taylor Swift video of all time*- badasses in black starring in an action movie. Ash Pryor would fit right in, and I wouldn’t mess with her either after seeing how heavy she can row** and squat*** (why isn’t she teaching strength classes yet, by the way?)

*Well, except for “You Need to Calm Down,” because I love a colorful fantasy world and I almost cried when Taylor and Katy made up.

**That would be six Becs Gentrys.

***Five Cody Rigsbys, three Adrian Williamses, and a handful more as well. Yes, I’m going to keep trying to mention Cody in this story.

Track 9: “Wildest Dreams”

Another instructor straight from the video! You might remember brunette, wavy-haired Taylor with the red lipstick (again) and thousand-mile gaze. Assal Arian has the same look, and here she is, even staring at the sunset.

Track 10: “How You Get the Girl”

Of all the tracks on this album, this one’s the most of a throwback for Taylor- not a bad thing, it just feels like it has more in common with “You Belong to Me” or “Love Story” melodically than it does with the rest of the songs on 1989. Which instructor has that “young Taylor” feeling, wholesome and just slightly sassy? Leeanne Hainsby. Someone must have listened to this song for romance advice.

Track 11: “This Love”

She’s a runner, a boxer, and a golfer, but we haven’t forgotten that Selena Samuela‘s a surfer at heart. Who better to interpret a song that uses the waves as an analogy for a love that returns again and again? We’ll also mention a couple other surfers, Mayla Wedekind and Denis Morton.

Track 12: “I Know Places”

It’s a song about escape, and Jermaine Johnson knows how to escape life- to get away and have an adventure. While we’re not sure there are hunters after him and his “main squeeze,” he definitely knows places they can hide for a little peace and quiet together. Suki definitely doesn’t seem to mind some time alone with her favorite dad.

Track 13: “Clean”

While this is a song about feeling free of a lost love, we’re going to go with a different meaning of “clean”: wholesome. The rain could come pouring down on Matt Wilpers all day and all night and he probably wouldn’t even mind. The man is cleaner than clean, as his instructor friends enjoy pointing out, and he’ll make sure you are too. Be sure to have a banana on hand for your long ride, get to bed by 9 pm, and you might be “finally clean” too.

Track 14: “Wonderland”

Okay- admittedly, she was supposed to be Princess Elsa in this Disney workout, but wouldn’t Rebecca Kennedy make a great Alice in Wonderland, too?

Track 15: “You Are in Love”

I’ve got nothing that’s a brilliant connection for this one, so please accept this assignment to the lovely Katie Wang, using the justification that like Taylor, she’s a cat person, and it would make Ma’am very proud for her to be included. (Also, if you blow this picture up a bit larger, or go to Katie’s Instagram, you’ll see her kitchen poster in the background which has a very Swiftie sort of attitude to it.)

Track 16: “New Romantics”

So this one’s more of a vibe- given her love of a powerful anthem, given her history of overcoming “all the bricks they throw at me,” and yes…. given her Swift-blonde hair these days, we’ll give this one to Christine D’Ercole, even if her normal taste is a bit more New Wave than New Romantics. We can totally see her in the stadium where the video takes place with her hands on backs.

Track 17: “Slut!”

On advice of legal counsel, we’re declining to name an instructor for this track. There won’t be a picture, either. However, if you’re a Peloton instructor and you’d like to claim this, please feel free to reach out. We don’t judge.

Track 18: “Say Don’t Go”

“Say Don’t Go” was co-written by Diane Warren. For those of us who aren’t up on her, she’s only one of the most influential songwriters in modern pop back through the early 80s, having authored or co-authored hits for (get ready) Toni Braxton, Gloria Estefan, Christina Aguilera, Aaliyah, Belinda Carlisle, Faith Hill, Roberta Flack, LeeAnn Rimes, Heart, Celine Dion, and Cher. The feel of this ballad, and that list of artists, just screams Matty Maggiacomo.  He’d put it at the end of a setlist, and make us walk up a hill to it.

Track 19: “Now That We Don’t Talk”

Come along with me on this one… this song isn’t from the perspective of Jenn Sherman, but she belongs in it, as the wise-but-cool mom featured in the chorus who tells our heroine that her breakup is “for the best… the more I gave, you’d want me less.” We all need a mom like that in our life, and thank goodness we have Jenn. (There’s also a mention of a yacht in this song, so, you know…)

Track 20: “Suburban Legends”

This track tells the story of a love interest who was just cool– “so magnetic, it was almost obnoxious”- that the author dreams of showing them off in front of the school both now, and at their reunion someday. That charismatic, that impressive, and that cool-feeling sort of person… that can really only be Hannah Frankson, who’s really impossible to ignore even when she doesn’t seem to be trying.

Track 21: “Is it Over Now?”

Like a few, or maybe most, of the other songs on this album, “Is it Over Now?” is about a certain ex-boyfriend we don’t really need to name. Where better to end a 1989 track list than with the instructors who gave such an amazing tribute to Taylor’s original inspiration for so many of these tunes? Ally Love and Emma Lovewell could do this one justice, perhaps leaving aside the celebrity heartbreak of the year (in 2013) to bring some joy to the end of this playlist.

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